It doesn’t matter what sort of grief you’re experiencing, it’s not easy. It’s sad and it’s hard but you have to go through it. I’m sharing 6 ideas to help with grief that have I won’t say made it easier but at least provided me with some comfort.
6 ideas to help with grief
My grandma died.
On the 18th of July in the very early hours of the morning, my grandma died.
Wow those are hard words to write. I don’t know that ‘hard’ even describes it.
I am sadder than I have ever been in my whole life. Part of me is very grateful for that. That I’ve led such a fortunate life so far. But the other part of me is really struggling.
I have no experience with this level of adult grief. I have no experience with parenting while I’m grieving and having to answer question after question from a 2 and 4 year old who sort-of-maybe-kinda but don’t really get it.
‘Why did she die?’ ‘How did she die?’ ‘Will you die?’ ‘Will I die?’
Such big questions for such little people and so very hard to answer especially when I have so little left to give.
I have no experience with the waves of emotions that crash over me uncontrollably.
I have no experience with what is the ‘right’ way to grieve or the ‘right’ amount of time to grieve but I’m slowly figuring out that there is no ‘right’ way other than experiencing it and going through it not avoiding it.
Really, it’s a bit of a metaphor for life.
You have to go through it.
You can’t skirt around it. It will always be there and if you just push it down, it will find a way out (maybe even through sickness if you push it down long and hard enough).
I have been going easy on myself and taking it slowly but there are a few little things that have been helping me.
6 ideas to help with grief
I’ve been doing a lot of writing. I write about my grandma and memories. One day I wrote all the funny things I could think of about her. Another day I wrote the things that she had taught me. Some days I just write random streams of consciousness but I do it every morning and it clears my head and helps me process.
This meditation in particular by Elena Lipson really made a difference to me. I guess in a way it gave me permission to have all the feelings. To take time but also showed me that the raw sadness does ease and give way to more gratitude for the moments and time we had together. This sadness is a part of me now and in some way it will always be there but knowing the raw, lostness of it will heal, that gives me a little hope.
Giving myself permission to feel things my own way. I don’t know why but for some reason I have in my head that when you expect it, when someone is really old, it shouldn’t be so hard when they die for those left behind.
They had a good, full, amazing life they say.
Sorry but that doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m not sad because I thought ‘missed the best years of her life’ … I’m sad because she was such an enormous part of mine and I miss her like crazy.
So giving myself permission to be incredibly sad. To cry all the tears whenever they come, that has helped.
Telling people how I really feel, instead of saying ‘oh I’m ok,’ that has helped. My grandma was never really one to sugar coat things. She said what she thought so I’m continuing her legacy there. You’re not doing anyone any favours by not telling the truth.
I don’t do it for sympathy, but if someone asks the question, I’m going to give an honest answer. It’s again, the permission thing and for me, the more honest I am with myself, the better I can deal with things.
If you’ve been following around here for any time at all, you’ll know that my grandma was no wall flower. I don’t think there was an occasion other than maybe weddings where she wasn’t the best-dressed lady in the room.
So she left behind all her jewels, her handbags, her hats (oh the hats!!!) and we all have a little something from her. I chose an amethyst and citrine ring that fits me perfectly. Amethyst was her birthstone, it’s also known to be very calming and relaxing. Citrine is known for self-healing, inspiration and manifestation. I like to think of her putting those energies into it for me.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that just hours before we heard she wasn’t unwell I bought my first crystals. In just three weeks my collection has exploded and learning about them, carrying them with me and even just admiring their beauty has been helping me.
Just a few days ago I enrolled in a diploma of crystal healing to learn more about the beauties and their healing power and I hope to share that more here.
and as I said… being gentle with myself. Taking things slowly. Being kind and loving. Really, it’s how I should be always.
There’s always a lesson right?